Stupid Things About Scotland To Consider When Visiting

While trolling (not as a troll, gosh, who do you think I am, but like fishing trolling) the Heughan’s Heughligans Facebook group (heeeey girls), I got the idea to write up a little primer of sorts for the Americans/non-Scots traveling to Scotland. Because there’s sooo many people traveling there. So this post is adapted from that Facebook post.  Happy reading.

1. Don’t be fooled by distance when planning your visit: Something is only 90 miles away? That can take well over two even three hours to get there. Once you’re off of the motorway (the “highway” — M roads, and some A roads), you’re on two lane roads for the most part. Some of the best places in the country are only reachable from two lane roads through villages and towns. And don’t trust GPS or “sat nav” with your lives. Be sure to set it to “fastest” not “shortest.” It’s a small country, yes, but it takes time to get from place to place.

Olde Teeny Tiny Roads To Certain Doom

2. Most rental cars are manual: Getting used to driving on the right side of the car, and on the left side of the road is hard enough. If you’re renting (hiring) a car, you may want to check if its an automatic. I spent a long time whacking my right hand on the door when I needed to shift gears. Automatics will also be more expensive. Sorry. And gas/fuel/petrol? Right now, a little over a pound a LITER. Much more expensive. Budget accordingly! Also, when it comes to cars… it’s ok to park up on the curb/sidewalk AND point the car in the wrong direction. I don’t do this because I hate it but it’s the norm.

3. Food is similar, but not exactly the same: In the mood for tacos? You’re pretty much out of luck. There’s a decent amount of pizza places, but it’s not the same as American pizza (don’t be fooled by “American pepperoni”… it’s spicier and not the same). Fast food is much less popular (thankfully) and drive-thrus do not surround you (and they’re on the wrong side of the building… go ahead and think about it for a moment).
But the good news is the worst curry/kebab shop in the smallest town is going to have the BEST Indian food you’ve ever had. And every town has a fish and chips place (chippy) (although universally it seems, chips aren’t crispy like Americans like them). Oh, and you’re a fan of fountain drinks? Good luck. The only place I can find fountain coke is McDonalds. You’ll get a can of Coke in a restaurant. And so, no free refills (my husband loves that about the states). And as a southerner, I miss sweet tea SO MUCH. Also, sparkling water is popular, but not flavored. Read bottled water labels — there’s still and sparkling (my son has made that mistake a lot).

4. Potatoes: If you like potatoes, you’re golden. A chip butty is a roll with chips on it. It’s common. As are crisp sandwiches. Yes, potato chips on bread. A meal of entirely chips is completely normal. Or chips with curry sauce, or gravy, or cheese. Potatoes potatoes potatoes. Want prawn (shrimp) flavored crisps (chips)? Easy! How about a deep fried pizza? No seriously! They throw a pizza in a deep fryer. This is a thing. Frying is really big here.

Just breathe and walk. Breathe. And walk.

5. Edinburgh is amazing, but you will be walking STRAIGHT UP: OK, not straight up, but darned close. Prepare for walking, and a lot, even if you’re taking bus/van tours. Walking in general is much more popular here. Parking lots will be farther from the high street and you’ll walk there.

6. Edinburgh is made for tourists: It USED to be my favorite city, but Glasgow has grown on me. 

7. Public transportation is AMAZING. Trains almost everywhere, and buses too. You want to get directly to St Andrews from Glasgow Airport? There’s a bus that goes straight there! Does where you want to go not have a train station? There will be a bus from the closest train station there, I bet you.

8. Yes, you will pass standing stones and stone circles seemingly in the middle of nowhere with no signs. I about broke my neck once near Lake of Menteith when I passed one. 

9. It’s never really much above 60 degrees F much of anywhere, at any point of the year. If it is, it’s TOPS OFF! as they say, or “taps aff!”) Bring a lightweight/medium weight jacket if you’re not traveling during the winter, and a long coat if you are. Scottish winters are no joke. They are cold and wet and that wet will seep into your bones. That’s applicable in July sometimes too.
And even if rain isn’t in the forecast, it WILL shower. Pack a small umbrella, and if you forget to, you can buy an umbrella for a few pounds almost anywhere. Also carry a reusable shopping bag — one the rolls up small but expands to become huge through some kind of demonic origami is good. If you’re shopping, and you want a bag – plastic or otherwise – you’ll be charged 5p. That adds up.

10. Bugs are pretty nonexistent (at least compared to the southern U.S., where I’m from) so most houses don’t have screens in the windows, and no one has a/c because they just don’t need it. Yes, the midges will BITE you though, so if you’re off in the countryside, or hiking (or bagging a munro!) bring hoods or spray or both! They’re like a cloud of biting mosquitoes. The flip side? I’m used to the sound of crickets or cicadas in the summer nights. Not this far north though. It’s very quiet at night! And no fireflies either. 

11. During the summers, it’s light until well past 11pm, and gets light at 4am. That means of course, at Christmas, the sun comes up at 10am, and it’s dark at 4pm. It’s a nation of seasonal depressives, I swear!

12. Scots, for the most part, love Americans. They’re not shy! They’ll ask you direct questions and they’ll tell you their opinions easily and without apology. And they alllll know about American politics so don’t cross that line if you don’t want told what they think.  You’ve been warned.

13. The LIGHT is different: I tell people, the light in the U.S. is GOLD. It’s direct and bright and right on top of you. The light in Scotland is SILVER. It’s long beams, amazing shadows, and a depth we just don’t have at all. You won’t be able to photograph it (well, you CAN, but it won’t look the same. I promise). Just buy books and postcards.

14. Flying into Glasgow can be a LOT cheaper but for some reason, everyone from the states wants to fly into Edinburgh. Search both. It’s about an hour from one airport to the other, if traffic is good.

15. It’s illegal to have an electrical outlet in a bathroom (only shaver outlets) so don’t think you’ll be drying/curling hair in there. Where there are outlets, they all have on/off switches. British: Super safe. Or something.

16. Because it’s always wet (“It’s dry in May!” says the husband), everything is almost always a little damp. And for some reason, many people don’t have clothes dryers — laundry is dried on radiators or racks. And washers are much smaller too. Itty bitty.
True story: I detailed the kitchen before Thanksgiving last year (yes I did a huge American style Thanksgiving), and wiped all the countertops off at the end, in a final flourish, with a damp paper towel. Like “taaa daaa!” And came back 45 minutes later and they were still damp. In fact, I think they’d collected more water from the air to make puddles. ????

17. DON’T buy power adapters for phones, etc. Buy a UK 3-prong USB plug. MUCH cheaper. You can get them on Amazon for like $8.

Bonus: One of my silly favorite things? The grocery store carts, or trolleys? All four wheels spin. So the cart can move sideways or spin in a circle. It’s SO EASY TO PUSH AROUND. I know that’s dumb but it makes me happy.