We Got Hitched

Posted by on May 18, 2017 in Articles

We Got Hitched

So, we did it.  After two years of a long distance only relationship, in St. Andrews, Scotland, Mark and I got married. For real. In the official registry and everything. As far as Scotland is concerned, we are married (the U.S. is another issue. They don’t particularly care, it seems).

First thought: Holy moley. That actually happened. We are really married. The readings made people sigh, there were tears and laughs, and the cake was am-a-zing. People I’d never met before were genuinely tender about my new husband and how he feels about me, and how they feel about him. And lordy Jesus and the saints be praised, it didn’t rain on us.

Second thought: I’m really glad that’s over.

Not that I didn’t love our wedding.  I did. Absolutely. It was almost exactly what I envisioned. So many people came from so very far away! We were just stunned by the amount of love we received from everyone and were gobsmacked at how much trouble and expense everyone went through to be there.

But it was a lot to plan, especially long distance. When I already had two kids, two jobs, and a half a dozen irons in the fire.

Not to compare, but it’s hard not too — my first wedding? I wasn’t quite as stretched for time then. It’s kind of like comparing the first pregnancy to the second, although instead of watching a toddler while suffering from morning sickness, I was trying to figure out when to Skype the officiant, drive to West Virginia to submit 43 pages of marriage visa application paperwork, and order personalized napkins in between basketball games, student meetings, client meetings, and vacuuming.

Just kidding, I loved ordering personalized napkins.

Do I feel badly that it’s over and done with? Not at all. Because I’ve learned two important things.

First, people love us, and even said that being at the wedding made them feel a part of our adventuring fantastic love story. That’s beautiful and humbling, and hey, the more the merrier. You’re all welcome whenever. As long as you bring cake and take your shoes off just inside the door.

Second, it’s not about the wedding. It’s about the marriage. Sure, there’s an intoxicating thrill to being newlyweds, but we don’t have the usual newlywed situation. We’re learning how to do this as we go along.

When you’re already married and not immediately moving in together, and the only outward sign to your world is the additional ring on your finger, it can mess with your head a little. You get used to people asking “when are you going to see your husband again?” with a slight note of “I can’t believe you’re doing this.”

But we are.

We know our priorities, and we’re focusing on them: our kids. Because we only have a few more years until they’re out of the nests.

That time is more precious, at this point, than the time together is.

 

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